Showing posts with label Per Se. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Per Se. Show all posts

Saturday, February 23, 2008

French Laundry at Home Special Edition: Per Se, Encore

I am so incredibly lucky and thankful because the planets aligned and thanks to the confluence of the kindness of friends (and parents who are ready to dogsit with little notice), I was able to go to Per Se again last weekend -- this time, with my friend, Claudia, who also happens to write cookeatFRET.

But before I even start to talk about the food, I have to tell you who was at the restaurant lookin' all sexxxy and hungry: David and Victoria Beckham. As if the food wasn't enough to take my breath away. They strolled past our table just after we arrived and sat just a few feet away. Both of them are absolutely gorgeous, and short of Michael Bloomberg showing up to propose to me on bended knee, it was the greatest celebrity sighting one could hope for on a quiet Sunday night.

Okay, now on to the more important part of the evening -- the food and the service. Buckle up folks, I'm taking you on a long and wonderful ride:

Gougères: Delightful. Petite. Perfect.

Salmon Tartare Cornets
: I really wish there were words to describe how good these are. Note to self: Ummm, you'd better figure out what those words are by the time you make these.

Parsnip-Vanilla Soup with Tarragon-infused Olive Oil: Plates and a small bowl with teeny, tiny cubes of pickled potatoes arrived on the table, followed by Mike, our awesome server (more on him later), who poured the soup from a lovely silver pitcher of creamy goodness. It was all I could do to NOT stick my face in the bowl to lick it clean. I am not kidding you when I say that this is the best soup I've had in my entire life. Amd you know what? I've had a buttload of soup in my life. Well, maybe buttload is not the most appropriate or accurate way to describe the vast quantities of soup I have personally consumed. But I digress. Best. Soup. Ever.

"Oysters and Pearls": Even better than the last time I had this at Per Se. I think it was the extra caviar. I'm so spoiled by this dish because it really, truly is the only way I'll eat oysters.

Citrus-Cured Hamachi with Haas Avocado and Chili Glaze: Two little bites of hamachi with the most brilliant combination of avocado and chili, which added a *ping* and an aahhh to go along with the succulently cured velvety, almost butter-like fish.

"Smoke" -- Japanese Sardine and Italian Eggplant Purée with Pimenton Oil: Smoke-filled crystal balls hurriedly arrived on the table. Their tops were immediately whisked off, allowing the smoke to billow out as if the bowl itself had just done a French inhale. At the bottom of the dish was the most perfect rectangle of a now-smoked sardine with a soft, smooth dab of eggplant purée and a smoked paprika oil. Gorgeous. Dramatic. Delicious.

White Truffle Oil-Infused Custard with a Ragout of Black Winter Truffles: Boy, was it nice to see a chip that looked the way it was supposed to, as well as a beautifully cut eggshell. Even though the aesthetic of this dish kicked me in the culinary 'nads, I had to take a moment inside my head to pat myself on the back because my custard and truffle ragout was damn close to being as good as this very dish at Per Se.

Terrine of Grimaud Farm's "Foie Gras D'Oie" with Bartlett Pear Marmalade, Garden Mâche, Crystallized Pear Chip and Balsamic Reduction with Toasted Brioche: This cold preparation of foie was absolutely out of this world. A perfect combination of salt, sweet, rich, clean, fresh and tart. Since there were two foie preparations, Claudia and I agreed to eat half of each. It was hard for us to trade, I think, but I'm glad I got to try this one... even though I got brioche crumbs all over the table, myself and the entire city, practically. Someday, I'll learn how to eat like a lady. Someday.

Sauteed Grimaud Farm's "Fois Gras D'Oie" with Sunchoke Purée, Michigan Sour Cherries, and Pistachios: I'm making this. I don't know how or when or where, but I am going to figure out how to replicate this dish if it is the last thing on earth I do. This was one of my favorite dishes of the whole meal. The foie was so perfect, and went really well with the sunchoke purée. The cherries and pistachios were a gorgeous combination, and with each bite I was reminded of my friend, Kim, who is a lobbyist for the Michigan Cherry Growers Association. Hi, Kim!

Grilled "Pavé" of Bigeye Tuna with Hawaiian Hearts of Peach Palm, Braised Radishes and English Cucumbers with Persian Lime-Scented Yogurt: On the whole, I'm not a huge tuna fan. It's usually overcooked, or grossly undercooked, and I can't stand the texture of it when it's raw. In this dish, it was cooked to absolute perfection. Every texture and taste complemented one another so perfectly and was brought together by the yogurt, which I really loved. If I could have tuna this way, I'd eat it all the time.

Pan-Seared Maine Sea Scallop with Young Artichokes, Rainbow Swiss Chard Ribs and Fennel Bulb Bâtons with "Sauce Bagna Càuda": Perfect crust on the scallop, artichokes were just the right size, and everything else was gorgeous and added to the dish as it should have.

Arrowleaf Spinach Rigatini with Dungeness Crab, Preserved Meyer Lemon, Petit Basil and Beurre d'Oursin: When they brought this to the table, it looked as if we were having some sort of par-boiled green beans. That's because I wasn't wearing my reading glasses. It was actually little curves of rigatini made of spinach. This was also a huge homerun. It's so rare to have good dungeness crab here on the east coast, that when you have it this good, it makes you want to move to California, Washington or Oregon. And whoever had the idea to do sea urchin butter, I want to kiss you. Hard. On the mouth. For a couple of days. C'mere...

Cavendish Farms' "Caille En Crépinette" with Toasted Piccolo Farro, Butternut Squash, and Cavolo Nero with Quail Jus
: This little breast of quail was really and truly delicious. I think quail can be hit or miss, and most of the time, for me, it's a miss. I was surprised by the pairing with farro, but it worked really nicely. I've never cooked with cavolo nero (Italian for "Black cabbage" even though it's really mostly green; most stores package and sell it as Tuscan kale), but I think I will do so more often.

Rib-Eye of Marcho Farm's Nature-Fed Veal "Rôtie Entière" with Black Trumpet Mushrooms, Tokyo Turnips, Yukon Gold Potatoes, Sweet Carrots and Pearl Onions and "Sauce Blanquette": Best dish of the night, hands down. In the top 10 dishes of my entire life. I'm not kidding. This little medallion of veal (which had been done on the rotisserie) was creamy and nearly butter- or soft cheese-like. It almost made me cry, that's how good it was. I was friggin' knee-deep in the hoopla over this one. I ate it in teeny-tiny bites because I wanted it to last forever and ever.

Comté Saint Antoine with Slow-Roasted Heirloom Beets, Pickled Crosnes, Granny Smith Apples, and Smoked Egg Emulsion: Any time you put cheese and beets in front of me, I'm a happy girl. But add smoked egg emulsion to the mix and I'm doing some mother-f'in backflips. And, add to that a special glass of wine from the same Jura Mountain region as the cheese, and I just had a grin on my face that wouldn't go away. It's like that opening scene of the Gilmore Girls episode when the town is covered in the thousands of yellow flowers that Lorelai's fiance, Max, had delivered to her when he proposed. After eating this dish and drinking this wine as a savory capstone to the incredible meal I'd just eaten, I wanted to skip up and down the streets of Stars Hollow with Free Design singing "I Found Love" in the background.

Guava Sorbet with Tamarind "Génoise," Goma "Nougatine," and Cream Cheese Foam: I can just hear you now: "Seriously? What's up with the cream cheese foam?" I asked myself the same thing and then I just said, "Shut up, self, and try it, you Gilmore Girls-loving dork." It was the perfect thing to follow that great cheese and the gorgeous wine. I think the last time I had anything guava-related was when I was in Hawaii twelve years ago. This was really, really nice, and I loved the cream cheese foam. Quite the surprise, because it was more cream cheese-y than it was foamy. But it was awesome, nonetheless.

"Coffee and Doughnuts": Oh, people of America, do you know how humiliating it was to see this most perfect dessert in front of me? I will say that my semifreddo was damn close to this one, but the doughnuts... oh, the doughnuts. How I long to make them again, and do it right. This dish made me very, very happy.

"Mont Blanc" -- Chestnut Dacquoise, Whiskey-Scented Chocolate Ganache, Cocoa "Sablé" and Vanilla "Icing" with Chestnut Ice Cream: This dessert was absolutely exquisite and really gave me a deep, heartfelt appreciation for every pasty chef out there who is doing his or her thing night after night after night. Everyone rants and raves over a great dinner, but it's rare that we save any of our raves and accolades to single out a dessert. This one deserves heaps of praise. Every flavor and texture was spot-on and I just wish I had the talent to be able to make something like this. It's a very different skillset, and it's rare (I think) to be great at both savory and sweet. I know where my strengths lie, but I hope to get better at my desserts... and this dish set the bar at heights I know I'll never reach, but boy can I learn from how it was composed. Absolutely perfect.

Crème Brulée: Simple, straight-forward, delightful.

Last but not least were our mignardises -- I chose two dark chocolate candies, one with a fennel filling and another with a mocha center. Claudia chose a few as well, one of which was a white chocolate/yuzu candy. Wow. All of them were fantastic, and if only we'd had enough room to try them all. We also had other candies and sweets on the table with our coffee.

During the earlier part of our meal, we were served the most wonderful bread (there are many options to choose from: baguette, wholewheat, potato, rye, etc.) as well as two kinds of butter -- one salted and one not. The butters were just as good as I remember, and we also enjoyed the six choices of salt to sample.

The first time I went to Per Se
, my friend Todd and I ordered the Turley White Coat (in addition to our pre-dinner cocktails), which they did not have this time. Claudia and I vowed going in that we were going to take it easy on the wine front because we didn't want to imbibe too much and have it detract from the copious amount of food we knew we were going to enjoy. She had a few glasses of a really nice red from the Santa Lucia Mountain region (California) and I had a glass or two of a really nice white -- a Pierre Usseglio Chateauneuf de Pape (2006). We also started the evening with a bottle of champagne -- a Pierre Gimonnet blanc de blanc. Our "wine guy," Chris, was such a joy to talk to. I like people who know wine and enjoy wine, but aren't "that guy" about wine. Chris is knowledgeable in a way that's not intimidating, and he was able to pick wines for both of us that we loved. He also tipped us off to the wine for the cheese course, which was really a nice surprise.

After dinner, we paid our tab and did a tour of the kitchen since this was Claudia's first time at Per Se. Another Chris (the same lovely gentleman who gave me my tour last time) took us into the kitchen (we had to pass Posh and Becks' table to get there and I WOULD HAVE EATEN THEM BOTH, dipped in sea urchin butter, had I not been so sated) where we thanked Chef Benno. And let me take a moment right now to let you know that for all the dishes in The French Laundry Cookbook that I refer to as a Thomas Keller PlateLicker™ or a Thomas Keller FaceKissser™, this entire meal was a Jonathan Benno FaceKisser™ for sure. And I would have given him a big old smackeroo had they not still been in the middle of service. That said, it was fun to tour the kitchen while it was still in action. When I toured it last time, things were winding down, so it was a little less active.

Our main server was a really cool guy (from Cleveland) named Mike. Prior to coming to New York to work at Per Se, he was a sous at The French Laundry and worked with Susie Heller and Chef Keller to home-test all the recipes for The French Laundry Cookbook. I was really happy to meet him, and wish I could squire him away for a week or two to have him teach me all the ins and outs of getting some of this stuff right. He was way cool and did not make fun of me for being the giant dork that I am. So, he's alright in my book, that's for sure.

The one thing that stuck in my mind from my first time at Per Se is that from the moment you walk in the door until the moment you head back outside and your feet hit the pavement on Columbus Circle, you are so well taken care of that it's hard NOT to crave that kind of service everywhere you go. But you soon realize that evenings like this one are a rare gift -- and I feel so incredibly lucky to be on the receiving end of such generous, outstanding, beyond-compare service and product not once, but twice.

I will say that unlike last time, this time the staff knew who I was and were well aware of this blog. That has its good points and its bad points. The good is that it felt like they knew a little bit about me and my personality, as well as my love for this food and Chef Keller's and Chef Benno's quest for perfection. The bad is that, holy crap they've seen me F up some stuff bigtime. But let me also add this: I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that they were just as nice and gracious to me this time as they were the first time I was there. I felt more at ease because I had been there before and knew, sort of, what to expect. A few of the staff members asked me if this dinner was as good as or better than the first time I'd been there. I was stumped. That's a hard question to answer, because I wasn't even in the mindset of comparing one night to another. For me, it was more like a continuation of the first meal, like turning the page to Chapter Two of a book you're already loving and don't ever want to end. The courses were almost entirely different, so I can't compare and contrast the food. It was excellent both nights. Equally. Same goes for service, although this time I was much more relaxed and felt more at ease in my surroundings, if that counts for anything.

When Claudia and I got back to our hotel after dinner, I took a quick walk around the block to get some fresh air (it was unseasonably warm and there was a light rain, which I love). When I got back, we played the last meal game, forcing ourselves to pick just three courses from our entire evening that we'd have as our last meal on Earth. I chose the Parsnip-Vanilla Soup, the Sautéed Foie, and the Veal... and that took some doing, because I kept trying to rationalize why I should have more than three courses for my final meal instead of just playing by our rules.

We slept well that night, and after coffee the next morning, Claudia and I said our goodbyes and see you soons. I boarded the train back to Washington and ended up sitting across the aisle from the just-retired president of my college alma mater. We had a very short conversation (we were on the Acela's quiet car, so once the train left the station, it was shushy-shushy time), but it got me thinking about college, which then got me thinking about high school and my childhood, and pretty much my entire lifespan up until now. I tend to do a lot of thinking on planes and trains, listening to music and letting my wind wander wherever it's going to go.

By the end of my train ride home, I'd come to the conclusion that I'm one of the luckiest people I know, and as a result, I'm pretty damn thankful. If you'd asked me 10 or 15, heck even 2 years ago if I thought my life would be this fun and joyful, I don't think I could've imagined it. Opening up my head and my hands to food in the way that I have in the past few years -- but this last year in particular -- has been revelatory in so many ways. It's changed the way I take risks. It's shaped the way I imagine other possibilities. And, it's paved the path for new kinds of adventures I'm starting to embark upon. If this meal was Chapter Two in an ongoing story, I honestly can't wait to see what the next few hundred pages bring.


Up Next: "Surf and Turf" -- Sauteed Monkfish Tail with Braised Oxtails, Salsify and Cèpes

Read my previous post: "Liver and Onions"

Monday, October 15, 2007

French Laundry at Home Special Edition: My Dinner at Per Se

Guess where I ate dinner Friday night?



Yep, Per Se.

I had to be in New York on business this past weekend, so I called a few days prior to my trip to get on the waiting list. I never expected to get in and had given up hope and made reservations elsewhere, when lo and behold, I was sitting in Le Pain Quotidien in Chelsea, sipping a lovely coffee when my Blackberry started going batshit. I answered the phone, and it went a little something like this:

Me: "Hello?"

Per Se: "Hi, Carol, it's [name withheld] from Per Se."

Me: "WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Per Se: [Giggling] "We just had a cancellation for a 9:45 seating and I'd like to see if you would like to join us."

Me: "WWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! I mean, yes, ahem, of course. I would be honored."

Per Se: "Great; now, do you need to check with your other party to ensure that time works for them?"

Me: "That person will be DEAD to me, should they decide they cannot make it. We will be there."

Per Se: "That's great -- we can't wait to have you join us."

Me: "Me too. I think I'm going to go pass out now."

Per Se: "Ha, ha, ha, I hope you do not do that."

Me: "No, hyperbole is my middle name. I'm actually going to go dance up and down the street like a moron and grin from ear to ear like some kind of mental patient."

Per Se: [probably wondering if they should even let me in the Time Warner building] "Oh, Carol, you are so funny. See you tonight!"

And that, my friends, was my Friday afternoon. Knowing I would be having the most amazing dining experience later that night, I decided to let my giddiness carry me into the West Village where I promptly dropped way more money than is necessary on the greatest, most awesome Hayden-Harnett bag at Verve. I justified the expense by telling myself that I needed a special accesory-related memento for my evening, and thus this new bag would henceforth be known as my "Per Se bag." Hey, I'm a girl. We do stuff like that sometimes.

I went back to my friend Todd Fries' apartment and we gabbed for a bit, showered, changed and got ready for dinner. Am I a total nerd in admitting that it felt like going on a first date? (Not with Todd; he doesn't play for my team, plus we've known each other since we were four) It really did. I was a little giddy, a little nervous, but really hopeful and ready to get going. I even put on eyeliner, people. Eyeliner. That should tell you how excited I was for this evening.

We got in a cab and rode uptown and just kept saying, "I cannot BELIEVE we are going to Per Se" and giggling like a bunch of doofuses (doofi?). We got there, sat in the bar area for a few minutes (where I had the smoothest, coldest, best Sidecar I've ever had), and then were seated at our table. We were on the upper level, right in the center, with a full view of the other 15 tables and the beautiful view of the park and the skyline across Columbus Circle. (note to self: eat at Per Se when it is snowing because I bet the view outside the windows is stunning then, what with the lights and all.)

I didn't photograph the food, because, well... because I didn't want to. It didn't seem right. I will, however, share with you what we ate. We thought about doing the wine pairings, but knew that with this much food, we'd want to go easy on our wine consumption, so we stuck with one bottle for the course of the meal: a Turley White Coat. Turley is so hard to find that whenever I see it on a restaurant's wine list, I have to have it. It worked well as a white, and heavied up when it needed to instead of having a red.

Ready for the food? Good. Here we go:

Salmon Tartare in Cornets

Gruyere Gougeres

Egg custard with truffle and chip

"Oysters and Pearls": I actually danced a little bit in my seat as they were presenting this dish; I was so happy to see it and even happier to taste it. It was outstanding, and makes me want to cook it all over again and spring for the good caviar. It made the dish even better, if that's possible.

Sautéed Hudson Valley Moulard Duck Foie Gras with Musquée de Provence Pumpkin, Tokyo Turnips, Wilted Dandelion Greens and Sauce Périgourdine: Without a doubt, one of the best flavor combinations I've ever eaten. The foie gras was seared to perfection, and the pumpkin was a nice surprise. This dish was so flavorful and texturally appealing that I will try this at home sometime. We had some really nice bread with this dish, as well as a few selections of butter, which both Todd and I would've happily eaten out of its little container, no bread required, it was that good.

Fillet of Pompano Doré with Red Kuri Squash, Rainbow Swiss Chard Ribs, and Green Pistachio Butter: It was delicious, but not a standout. You'll see why as I continue to share the menu with you because everything else just blew this one away by far.

"Macaroni N' Cheese": Again, a pure delight to be able to eat something that I've already made for this blog. If I do say so myself, mine was pretty damn good, but the version at Per Se was so rich and fragrant and just fantastic. It was really rich, and just gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

Aiguillette of Liberty Valley Pekin Duck Breast with Confit of Fennel Bulb, Compressed Mission Fig, Anise-Hyssop and Saporoso Vinaigrette: Duck me. Duck me hard. Duck me six ways 'til Sunday. This was was my favorite.

Pan-Roasted Ris De Veau with Ragout of Benton's Smoked Tennessee Ham, Corn Kernels, Collard Greens, and Black-eyed Peas with Mustard Seed-Veal Jus: As they brought this dish to the table, they were just two feet away when I could smell a pork product, my siren song of culinary indulgence. This dish was smoky and hearty, and even though Todd said he might have issues eating veal or anything veal-related, he loved this dish and rolled his eyes in delight at the first bite. I must say, I love sweetbreads and these were the best I've ever tasted. I don't think I ever would have been able to come up with this dish, because to me sweetbreads, ham and corn is not a combination that is top of mind. But it will be now, because this was fantastic.

Snake River Farm's Calotte de Boeuf Grillée with Crispy Bone Marrow, Abalone Mushroom, Rissolée of Fingerling Potatoes, Haricots Verts, and Sauce Bordelaise: Two bites into this one, and we're starting to feel the pain of indulgence. Crispy bone marrow?!?!?! Whose awesome idea was that? The beef itself was succulent and the preparation overall was perfect. Crispy bone marrow. I want to bathe in it... or at least eat it more often. Wow. Just wow.

Tete de Moine: Guess what?!?!? No frakkin' sauerkraut! Woo-hooooo!!! Instead, it was served with Marinated Greenmarket Carrots, French Green Lentils, Cilantro Shoots (which I picked out and put on my bread plate because, ew), and a Toasted Madras Curry Oil. The lentils were delicious. Much better than with stupid stank-ass feet-smellin' sauerkraut.

Chevre Noir with Extra Virgin Olive Oil-Poached Vine-Ripe Tomato, Young Lettuces, Brioche Crouton, and Kettle Garlic Soup: Again, feeling more pain of eating so much, but one sip of the garlic soup and I was re-energized to keep going. That garlic soup was amazing, but the combination of the cheese, tomato and brioche were so lovely.

Pomegranate Sorbet with Almond Pound Cake, Comice Pear Jam, and Per Se Granola: Dear Santa, this year for Christmas, I would like forty bajillion jars of the pear jam from Per Se, okay? Thanks. Love, Carol.

Palet D'Or: This was a chocolate dish that featured beaucoup de pamplemousse, which in English is grapefruit, which in Carol language is "glarrghhhh" because grapefruit whacks out my palate as badly as cilantro does. So, I asked if perhaps I could have the "Coffee and Doughnuts" dessert instead (because I had seen someone at another table have it, and it wasn't on the menu). So, what did they do? They prepared the chocolate dish using mint gelée and other chocolate and mint combinations, AND brought me the cappucino semifreddo and a doughnut. Both these desserts were beyond compare. I can't WAIT to make the "Coffee and Doughnuts" at home because now I know how good it can be. And, their willingness to try something different with the grapefruit substitution was so kind and wonderful. I love them all, I really do. (even you, Stephen Durfee... don't think there ain't enough love to go around when it comes to pastry chefs)

Gingembre et Pomme Vert with Granny Smith Apple Consomme and Frangipane Croustillante with Ginger Ice Cream
: I was so full by this point that I barely remember how it tasted, other than I know I didn't hate it. I was still in the love-haze from the Coffee and Doughnuts, that I've sort of blocked this one a bit.

Following the dessert service, they brought out a tray of chocolates with so many different options I just can't remember them all. The two we enjoyed the most were the "root beer float" and the "peanut butter" chocolates.

Following the meal, our table staff took us on a tour of the kitchen, prep areas, offices, and walk-ins. We met the staff (they were breaking everything down because it was 2 a.m. and yet they all had a smile and a friendly hello for us), we met and thanked Chef Benno, and got to see the video conference system they have in the kitchen to check in on The French Laundry. We got to see what was going on in The French Laundry's kitchen: everything from viewing the menu to seeing who was at work at which station. That was pretty damn cool, but not as cool as checking out all of Per Se's produce, meats and other items to be used in the coming days. I'm a little jealous that Saturday night's diners were getting rabbit, but that's okay. I got to see if before they did, and it looked beautiful. I'd never smelled a fresh yuzu before, either, and got to do that (ah, the simple things that please a nerd like me). Being able to go behind the scenes to see how it's all laid out and done was really remarkable, and I'm so grateful we were able to do that.

It almost goes without saying that the food was amazing and beyond compare. But I also have to take the time to tell you how wonderful the staff was. From the moment we were greeted until we were walking out the door with our goodie bags in hand (they gave us a few bags of macaroons AND a ton of chocolates), everyone was really cool and fun and so knowledgeable about everything. They were a delight, and our waiter in particular was just outstanding.

After that meal and such an amazing experience, I have to ask: is it medically possible to have a food hangover? I'm pretty sure I did. With all that food in my system, combined with the excitement of the night, and a fantastic bottle of wine, I slept fitfully and woke up Saturday morning feeling a little off. I spent some time with one of my clients that day, but took some time in the afternoon to walk in the crisp, fresh air, which helped. I had no appetite most of the day Saturday, but was rarin' to go on Sunday. I had a big event for one of my clients, after which I went to a late lunch with a friend and her family. We ate at a little place on W. 57th near 6th Avenue, and who should appear outside the window right where we were sitting? Eric Ripert. Hailing a cab with his wife and kid, and I couldn't even carry on the conversation I was having with my friend's father because I am a huge nerd and was completely and totally awestruck at seeing Eric Ripert in the flesh (well, maybe that's wishful thinking; he was clothed).

So, Per Se, the Dalai Lama, and Eric Ripert all in one weekend. Life doesn't suck, that's for sure. I smiled the whole flight home.

Up Next: White Corn Agnolotti with Summer Truffles

EDITED TO ADD: Some have emailed to ask me this (some people were nice about asking; others not so much), so I want to be explicit about my reply and let everyone know that this dinner was not comped or discounted in any way, shape or form. I paid for it out of my own pocket.